Chapbook

Some photos of my chapbook, Re: You'd be a horrible Mayan. Printed in Blue Books. © YOMO 2012

T.

So yes! full life as follow-up email that’s    fucking    reality 

but perfect Mayan in pink robe you 

are the next level killin’ it steady from bed 

not exactly ladies under DEATH TO KOOL MAN & CURSE 660 LAFAYETTE so

sorry 4A

      3B

      3A 

married by Ronald says we’re Democrats you’ll just have to deal

through hole in wall we swear he can only see underwear drawer

wouldn’t give a shit anyway! I’m on mygirlfund.com

don’t you think that’s kinda slutty?

wait a second WE’RE HAVING A MOMENT

we are literally holding the corner of this page and flipping it together

I know you know danger of being funny 

stay in 4B chaise on the floor

proud new owner of GrubHub account

cheers to you

feel like in painting but blue, grey, yellow you MARRIED the yawn

it’s that kind of week

The Wyatt Blair Experience (Real Name)

Come on can’t like Mormon.org and pretty girls’ pictures everyday

all drums Peach Colored Pussy  >  Candy Eyes  >  Banana Cream Dream

like Mr. Big but more dreamboat as Mr. Elevator checks into my Brain Hotel

in Echo Park, we swear, it happened

full bar 5 star top notch sushi sunsets expensive drinks 

hoity-toity bird feeding that’s what the I’m made of

lemme guess   1. taurus

              2. scorpio

              3. aries

third time’s a charm seriously MARRY ME        (three hours behind and scorpio) nice one

can’t handle that fog juice in Echo Park, man, where’s Ty Segall look-alike?

take a bite before ul eav

it’s rhinestone belts she’s 13, come on, Dickies she had braces dude

locals only around my inner tube you like it                  were 21 ya?

grape jam zig zags agave syrup toaster with a steering wheel you fucking DREAM

just come over and we can forget about all of our... life ha yeah you said life

candy eyes maybe someday take a bite

(Excerpt from Re: You'd be a horrible Mayan)

ATTN: A blonde Sufjan Stevens is translating René Char and giving out free Xanax at Gate 32A

If I scratch your head I'll touch yours face

on forty-two face on channel Christian Bale if 

your hands melt blue for four if we could survive inverted if you sit next to me

can't believe they survived without her or me watching her things

what if it's a bomb what if it's Juicy terry cloth sweat pants ALY

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING IT COULD HAVE BEEN FUCKING ROHYPNOL

but not in such a public place not moving pretending to know a little bit John 

Cage and New Grace not felt nothing in one week why'd you start put it

in a poem or it didn't happen

my back's a gun or worse wet hair why did I wear fucking JEGGINGS

a bit duty

free of X-rays you can’t opt out with this time this coat was 1,000 DOLLARS where’s

guy with RVCA stickers and professional I swear

I’m not with my mom I swear I’m 

not making it easy for you to read I swear my professor’s a poet

thanks you know thank you for letting me read book with bad breath and spread in my bag

I’d give you this book but you know it’s worth 150 dollars

(Write a poem after taking a walk with no destination in mind. An airport on 11/26/2012. Also will be in my chapbook, Re: You'd be a horrible Mayan)

NBD 4 N.A.B.

Just     only         just a couple   minutos my cholita

just      you really are a GOD SEND but today I am busy

being a rare breed a special girl

can’t pick up like one of those fucking toy claw machines

got four initials four cool like that

I’m a special girl like every other girl

now hurt feelings   write better

not in my book! stick with the plan

since neck wrestling’s a tough sport it’s

what it’s like to have 1/3s of you split that 

take off shoes feel like shit

is YOUR life so busy you can’t put THAT in a poem?

god you’re never *in the moment*

but I’m feeling this be my stay at home mom

Mom’s right sleep comfortably in my XL twin

sorry not some DIIV song and

in advance getting fat during the winter 

(An excerpt from my forthcoming chapbook, Re: You’d be a horrible Mayan)

The Black Lips: They’re Good, Bad, but Not Evil (Ladygunn Fantasy Issue, Fall 2012)

Discovering that you are not as reverent, composed, or polished as the slightly debased gentleman who make up Southern garage punk band The Black Lips can be a little shocking

    “You know what boat stands for?” 29 year-old singer and bassist Jared Swilley asks as he treads water with a wrench in his hand. “Bring Out Another Thousand.”

The Loch Fyne has made it across Jamaica Bay with a busted rudder and five people over its recommended capacity. After all of the beer, tequila, and Percocet, I would say we have done pretty well for ourselves so far. 30 year-old vocalist and guitarist Cole Alexander and 28 year-old drummer and singer Joe Bradley are just becoming human following a two hour nap in the hull, while 35 year-old lead guitarist Ian St. Pe catches me up on their current tour as he moves his gold VICE ring up and down his finger.

"That was in our contract when we signed with VICE records," St. Pe says. "Only the big executives and owners get these rings, but we said we would only sign if we got them too."

Being the quintessential VICE band, the boys did not make it back to the Tribeca Grand until 7:00 AM after playing a 4KNOTS party the previous night. Aside from typical hungover irritability, Bradley has gracefully bowed out of taking any more photographs with the band, and he drawls about the current fucked up state of the nation.

From the dock we can still hear live music coming from the restaurant's patio where we had dinner, and St. Pe instantly recognizes the artist of the hit: Matchbox 20 à la acoustic guitar. It doesn't stand up to the Ramones playlist we were listening to on board, but it is a fitting soundtrack to the melodrama of Swilley trying to force the rudder out of reverse.

    When Koko told me I would be spending an afternoon watching The Black Lips wake board behind their friend’s boat, a faint taste of Bacardi and MAC Cyber lipstick resurfaced. Hopefully they wouldn’t remember me from Webster Hall last Halloween weekend picking up my roommate after she tripped over Bradley’s drum set, or that I somehow ended up backstage with my zombie face melting and their stolen beer in my arms.

Over a year since landing the cover of SPIN’s “Success Issue” and the release of their sixth studio album, Arabia Mountain, the Atlanta-based “road warriors” have hardly had the chance to settle down. But just because they are constantly on tour doesn’t mean their performances have become a processed package of sideshow antics.

“Crowds, you know, they can smell bullshit," St. Pe says, removing his shades. It is the first time any of us have seen his eyes today. "We’re a good and honest band and we do what we love. That’s why our fans like us."

Revered and criticized for their onstage fondness of urination, vomit, and indecent exposure (apologies to the family on the passing sail boat), the boys vow to be more than a bunch of monkeys throwing shit, or in this case, guitars, at each other.

“People [who think the only thing we do is party all of the time] can rest on their laurels,” Swilley says, water dripping from his American Apparel swim trunks.

“We open doors for girls, and people always think we’re crazy,” St. Pe adds. “But we’re really nice people. We’re very sweet. We talk a good game.”

     Hailing from the conservative suburb of Dunwoody, Georgia, where the generation before Swilley’s did not even drink in front of each other, the topics of sex and pornography are not easily delved into.

“Sex is a weird thing in the South. It’s something that’s not talked about that much. It’s very traditional,” Swilley explains.

Still, it was surprising to find that when it came time for Swilley and St. Pe to lose their virginities, neither of their experiences involved BDSM or cobra blood.

“My [first time] was with my first girlfriend,” Swilley says. “I was 14, and we were under the guise of ‘studying.’ We were upstairs and her mom came in after we had done it and my shirt was off. She was like, ‘Excuse me what are you guys doing?’ I was just like, ‘Thank God she didn’t come in 10 minutes ago.’”

“I was 15. I asked if I could stick it in,” St. Pe tells. “She finally said yes. It was to Nirvana's Nevermind. She had on green Docs—I didn’t take those off. They looked good, legs spread open with them on,” St. Pe laughs. “It was the first time you know. It was a learning experience.”

We can only hope that their first full Middle East tour can go as smoothly.The boys left on September 17 hitting Cyprus and continuing on to Egypt, the United Arab Emirates, Jordan, and Lebanon.

“We’re following the exact journey that Alexander the Great did through the Middle East. I’m not saying we’re conquerors, but...” Swilley shrugs.

“We’re on a mission,” St. Pe explains.

Though Syria had to politely decline the Black Lips’ invitation of spreading their message of acceptance and eternal love, Swilley is determined to make the stop.

“I have a huge wager with someone involved in the government over there on when Assad’s gonna fall,” Swilley laughs. “I have 50 bucks on two weeks, so let’s hope it falls because I need 50 bucks.”

After police chased them out of India in 2009 over some cultural misunderstandings during a performance in Chennai, you would think they would want to keep their escapades Stateside.

“That’s what our music’s all about though, bringing people together,” St. Pe declares.

“I think this Middle Eastern tour is going to be the muse for the next album,” Swilley adds. “It will spark a lot of inspiration. Hey, did you ever hear you can’t start a fire without a spark?”

The Loch Fyne finally coughs up water, and Swilley receives a weary round of applause. The rest of the editors finish up left over drinks they swiped from tables in the restaurant while Alexander and Bradley peel themselves off the floor of the dock.

“You should have asked me about my best sexual experience,” St. Pe says. “Though you need to get more liquor in me before that happens.”

As we head home, I decide to leave it at that. Some things really are better left off as fantasy.

Photos by Monet Lucky and Aly Vander Hayden

Ty Segall Interview (Ladygunn Nostalgia Issue, Fall 2011)

From a grimy Laguna Beach surfer kid to a San Francisco garage rock fixture, with four studio albums and a handful of side projects in between, Ty Segall has certainly helped define and revamp a genre. Grabbing the attention of Pitchfork, SPIN, and Rolling Stone with his deluge of harsh, lo-fi records, the 23-year-old artist began his summer with the release of the mellower and “more groove-based” Goodbye Bread (2011). After an insane year of touring including FYF, Outside Lands, and a period in Europe, I got to catch up with Segall on the day of his sold-out show at The Bowery Ballroom.

Ladygunn: So you were on tour for pretty much the whole summer up until now, how’s it going?
Ty Segall: It’s good. You know, we’ve been basically touring almost nonstop for a year and a half. We kind of all quit our jobs halfway through.
Oh, really? What did you do?
I made cabinets.  Yeah, it was cool, but not as cool as going on tour. But yeah, it’s been really great, really tiring, and awesome. There’s that thing where you have to realize you need to take a break. Go home and buy some groceries, you know? So yeah, that’s where I’m headed. Need to buy some groceries, make salads and stuff. 

You’re playing with Mikal Cronin from The Moonhearts. Did that just come about because you two were in Epsilons together and did Reverse Shark Attack? 
Yeah, he was working on his solo stuff for a while and he recorded it, and it was just kind of the thing where like ‘Dude my record’s coming out and I’m going on that tour, so come on tour with me man.’ And also, he plays bass in my band.  So I was like, ‘Dude, if you want to do double duty, let’s do this.’ 
Did you help out with his record?
Yeah, I helped record it with our friend Eric Bauer, who did my record Melted, and he recorded Goodbye Bread too. He’s also done a lot of Sic Alps, Thee Oh Sees, and The Mantles and Grass Widow—a bunch of stuff. He’s awesome. 

With Goodbye Bread, it’s a lot different from your past albums—way more slowed down and relaxed. Why did you go in that direction, or what spurred that?
Well, I guess just you know, you got to mix it up every once in a while. I just didn’t want to make another really like aggressive or abrasive record. I just think I’ve made mostly those. I wanted to try my hand at focusing on the lyrics, maybe looking at it more seriously. So that’s what I was trying to do.
Is that why you spent a little more time working on it than you normally would?
Yeah, definitely. 

What’s up with the dog on the cover of Goodbye Bread?
My ex-girlfriend found that picture in Denmark, and it was just one of those things where as soon as I saw it I was just like, ‘That’s a record cover.’ Because honestly it looks just like the record sounds to me. 
Yeah, definitely the colors.
Yeah, this vibrant but kind of melancholy, almost sad dog. Like this lovable and awesome dog, but he’s kinda sad. I don’t know, it just fit. 

What bands and musicians are you listening to a lot right now?
Sighs. Way too much stuff. Human Eye, Mikal. Pauses. I don’t man I’m all over the place, but I’ve been really listening to like all the old school stuff I used to listen to all the time. It’s kind of cycled back, like Black Sabbath and really heavy music like Pentagram. I’ll throw some black metal in there. I’m kind of not listening to very much garage rock at the moment; I’m kind of burnt out on that stuff. More like super tripped out psychedelic music, funk and soul and reggae, and whatever, punk, The Dead Boys. 

What’s your favorite band from the 70s?
Dude, they’re all—so many good bands. I would probably say Black Sabbath, because they’re just like one of my favorite bands. 

What are your creative influences?
My friends. Watching my friends do awesome stuff. When you’re there watching someone, like I got to watch Thee Oh Sees go from a band where like 50 people were there at their shows, to then all of a sudden I’m at Great American Music Hall in San Francisco with 800 people freaking out. Just that moment of like ‘Holy shit, that’s amazing.’ Like that’s the kind of thing where I’m like, ‘Fuck, I got to step my game up.’ Or like watching my buddy Mike Donovan from Sic Alps record a vocal track and then play it back and be like, ‘Wow, that’s fucking insane.’ You know, that kind of a thing. Plus like all the music I’ve ever listened to.  But, you know, your life and your friends. At least for me. 

What did you listen to in high school?
In high school I was just really into like ’77 punk kind of stuff, and like early 80s hardcore. Also like surf music and rock ‘n’ roll, garage rock like The Sonics and The Troggs and The Kinks.  I was way into The Kinks; they’re still like one of my favorite bands. I don’t know, I was just a surfer skateboarder kid, so Black Flag and The Ramones, and stuff like that. 

I know you graduated from USF with a degree in Media Studies, but did you ever see yourself becoming a full-time musician?
No, never. It was never like ‘Oh, I want to be a musician!’ It was like ‘Wow, I really want to put out a record.’ Then once you put out a record it’s like ‘Holy shit, now I really want to play some shows.’ Then you’re like, ‘Whoa, now I want to go on tour.’ Then you’re like, ‘Wait, now I get to make another record!?’ Before you know it then you’re like, ‘Holy shit, I’m in New York. I’m on tour, this is what I do as a job.’ It’s like ‘What the hell?’ I always thought I was going to be some like, I don’t know. I wanted to be a recording engineer, and I still want to do that, but I always thought I would just work at a clothing store or something like that. I’d be figuring it out for 10 years, that kind of style. So I’m really happy it turned out this way. 

Yeah, definitely. Do you have any more projects coming up, or are you working on your next album?
Yeah, I got a lot of stuff going on. You know that band White Fence? They’re really, really great. Tim—it’s mainly this dude Tim Presley. Their first two records are the two best records that have come out in the past couple years. Yeah, but we’re doing a collaborative record. Like him and I are basically just writing songs and recording them together. It’s going to come out on Drag City in like maybe February or March. We’re almost done, like 75% done. Then I’m doing a record for In the Red, like an eight song record with the whole band. That’s gonna fucking rule because usually I play everything on the records, but they’re the best so I was like, ‘Dude, what the fuck? Let’s have a record with everybody on it.’ Like live in the studio, so it’s really cool we get to go record that with Chris Woodhouse who did Thee Oh Sees record and stuff. And then, I’m doing another LP with Drag City that I’m working on. 

Since you’re only in town for one night, what do you when you come to New York City?
Usually, accidentally, we all get way too drunk, and then like freak out over the humidity. It’s like ‘Oh shit,’ one of those things where you’re like, ‘What the hell?’ But I have a couple of really close friends here and we usually just hang out. It’s one of those things where I don’t really get to see them unless I’m around or they come to San Francisco, so it’s not like we go do any touristy things or go bar hopping or whatever. We just buy a 12 pack and you know.

Selling out The Bowery Ballroom, that’s wild. Has that ever happened to you before?
We’ve sold out places, but this is crazy. It’s huge, like we’ll play something this size in San Francisco, but that’s about it. Maybe LA, but like New York for some reason, it’s so crazy. To sell out a show in New York, it’s a feat. It’s tough here. I remember the first time people moved at our shows here.  ‘Cause they were like (crosses arms), ‘Yeah, it’s pretty cool. It’s got a lot of reverb, I like that. Pretty cool.’ But then there was like, (bobs head), this, and we were like, ‘Oh yeah look at this, I see some heads bobbing!’ And now this, so it’s cool. It’s awesome.  Holy shit. It’s pretty fucking cool.

What’s your favorite beach?
There’s a beach in Laguna Beach where I’m from called Totuava. You walk down 10^th Street and go to the right and climb over some rocks. It’s this little place where my friends and I used to go all the time. It’s beautiful.

What do you get when you go to In-N-Out?
I get a grilled cheese Animal Style, well done fries, a side of peppers—you know—and extra spread. Sometimes if I’m feeling really crazy I’ll get a Neapolitan milkshake. Most of the time I stray from that, because it’s pretty gnarly. Sometimes I won’t get the fries and I’ll get two grilled cheeses, one Animal Style and one regular with extra onions. Pretty awesome.

What’s the best advice that you’ve even been given that you’d like to pass along?
‘It is better to be kind than right.’ That’s something my Dad told me. 

Photo by Jack Clarizio 

Alec (Cela)

Get that         get that right I said two, now two, grand slam breakfasts and

three (how did you do it?) 

three look at his face 

where he has cell service and I don’t and you don’t know 

California makes me believe in UFOs 

nice to meet you and meet me through u

you ...trippy..        do the BIGGEST bloom

keep the master musicians of jajouka in my head

it’s like drinking a sundress with Jesus sandals! open your mouth

spell your name backwards more interesting that way

than lonesomestone n’ fugazi on the bed again

I had a feelin yall were from other planets

or maybe just Hawaii
let’s get fog juice and get fogged up

add a spinning optical illusion to the end of my arm

when all parts of me are dreaming and you say it

Ms. Vander Hayden does sound like a scary name