Who I am to you

is not knowing

a real body

how I am

so totally fine

and still 

this body

I want it to

be something 

for me but

it is not mine

reminding itself

of itself you

move it out 

of the mouth

give way and

everything

I tell you

to reconcile

I only want

to make you

casually not you

we’re feeling 

something

like that my

double-sided

mouth over

the phone

when I 

no, no

it ought to

be as beings 

well communicating

We’re inside mouthing

your type of girl 

on my shirt on this

concept of duty

you’re telling me

loose reason

like I’d rather

not say the law

of my being

I am telling you

in parts it’s

about you

how upset 

I have to 

call one 

and look

it was nothing

just itself in

the individual 

moment and

again in an 

individual 

moment rather

a crisis

of mouths

If we’re going there

about your limited body

my finger-counted men

just don’t, watching 

girls without

clothes on

I want us to work

like that

I want you to recover

like that

I need to explain 

it’s very important:

you’re not shaped like me

I looked good even 

in my passport photo

ask me about it almost

anyone if we’re going there

would tell you see

how it looks on you

it’s because we’re inside

without clothes on

I’m a total wreck 

how upset I don’t

have Iggy Azalea’s ass

don’t remember anyone at all

who doesn’t think 

about your limited body

or is it that we’ve

had too much talking

I’m tired now I need it

definitely all my friends

in bathrooms

saying I’m sorry

girls 

it’s my birthday

don’t feel sorry for me

or, okay I’m a total wreck

I know what I mean

I can’t open my mouth

Chapbook

Some photos of my chapbook, Re: You'd be a horrible Mayan. Printed in Blue Books. © YOMO 2012

T.

So yes! full life as follow-up email that’s    fucking    reality 

but perfect Mayan in pink robe you 

are the next level killin’ it steady from bed 

not exactly ladies under DEATH TO KOOL MAN & CURSE 660 LAFAYETTE so

sorry 4A

      3B

      3A 

married by Ronald says we’re Democrats you’ll just have to deal

through hole in wall we swear he can only see underwear drawer

wouldn’t give a shit anyway! I’m on mygirlfund.com

don’t you think that’s kinda slutty?

wait a second WE’RE HAVING A MOMENT

we are literally holding the corner of this page and flipping it together

I know you know danger of being funny 

stay in 4B chaise on the floor

proud new owner of GrubHub account

cheers to you

feel like in painting but blue, grey, yellow you MARRIED the yawn

it’s that kind of week

The Wyatt Blair Experience (Real Name)

Come on can’t like Mormon.org and pretty girls’ pictures everyday

all drums Peach Colored Pussy  >  Candy Eyes  >  Banana Cream Dream

like Mr. Big but more dreamboat as Mr. Elevator checks into my Brain Hotel

in Echo Park, we swear, it happened

full bar 5 star top notch sushi sunsets expensive drinks 

hoity-toity bird feeding that’s what the I’m made of

lemme guess   1. taurus

              2. scorpio

              3. aries

third time’s a charm seriously MARRY ME        (three hours behind and scorpio) nice one

can’t handle that fog juice in Echo Park, man, where’s Ty Segall look-alike?

take a bite before ul eav

it’s rhinestone belts she’s 13, come on, Dickies she had braces dude

locals only around my inner tube you like it                  were 21 ya?

grape jam zig zags agave syrup toaster with a steering wheel you fucking DREAM

just come over and we can forget about all of our... life ha yeah you said life

candy eyes maybe someday take a bite

(Excerpt from Re: You'd be a horrible Mayan)

ATTN: A blonde Sufjan Stevens is translating René Char and giving out free Xanax at Gate 32A

If I scratch your head I'll touch yours face

on forty-two face on channel Christian Bale if 

your hands melt blue for four if we could survive inverted if you sit next to me

can't believe they survived without her or me watching her things

what if it's a bomb what if it's Juicy terry cloth sweat pants ALY

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING IT COULD HAVE BEEN FUCKING ROHYPNOL

but not in such a public place not moving pretending to know a little bit John 

Cage and New Grace not felt nothing in one week why'd you start put it

in a poem or it didn't happen

my back's a gun or worse wet hair why did I wear fucking JEGGINGS

a bit duty

free of X-rays you can’t opt out with this time this coat was 1,000 DOLLARS where’s

guy with RVCA stickers and professional I swear

I’m not with my mom I swear I’m 

not making it easy for you to read I swear my professor’s a poet

thanks you know thank you for letting me read book with bad breath and spread in my bag

I’d give you this book but you know it’s worth 150 dollars

(Write a poem after taking a walk with no destination in mind. An airport on 11/26/2012. Also will be in my chapbook, Re: You'd be a horrible Mayan)

NBD 4 N.A.B.

Just     only         just a couple   minutos my cholita

just      you really are a GOD SEND but today I am busy

being a rare breed a special girl

can’t pick up like one of those fucking toy claw machines

got four initials four cool like that

I’m a special girl like every other girl

now hurt feelings   write better

not in my book! stick with the plan

since neck wrestling’s a tough sport it’s

what it’s like to have 1/3s of you split that 

take off shoes feel like shit

is YOUR life so busy you can’t put THAT in a poem?

god you’re never *in the moment*

but I’m feeling this be my stay at home mom

Mom’s right sleep comfortably in my XL twin

sorry not some DIIV song and

in advance getting fat during the winter 

(An excerpt from my forthcoming chapbook, Re: You’d be a horrible Mayan)

Alec (Cela)

Get that         get that right I said two, now two, grand slam breakfasts and

three (how did you do it?) 

three look at his face 

where he has cell service and I don’t and you don’t know 

California makes me believe in UFOs 

nice to meet you and meet me through u

you ...trippy..        do the BIGGEST bloom

keep the master musicians of jajouka in my head

it’s like drinking a sundress with Jesus sandals! open your mouth

spell your name backwards more interesting that way

than lonesomestone n’ fugazi on the bed again

I had a feelin yall were from other planets

or maybe just Hawaii
let’s get fog juice and get fogged up

add a spinning optical illusion to the end of my arm

when all parts of me are dreaming and you say it

Ms. Vander Hayden does sound like a scary name

Chapbook - Erasure

The final products. I'm thinking about scanning the erasure in and PDFing the chapbook over break.

I stood at the bow with my feet sopping in dirty socks. I could see the bioluminescence of dinoflagellates beneath the dark water. It made me think about red tide. Remember those seals that got sick and washed up on shore? How the toxins affected their brains? I barely knew you then.

I had been walking around the deck because I was afraid to pee, the wind cutting through my thin cotton pajamas. This trip was better than the one where we had to pretend we lived during the time of Two Years Before the Mast aboard the remastered Pilgrim. Max didn’t cry this time because the First Mate was too mean (rather, realistic).

A chaperone came up behind me and told me I should be in the cabin, that we were snorkeling tomorrow.  I watched a seal chasing a group of squid. Didn’t squid feed on the dinoflagellates a few steps later in the food chain? I went back to bed, urine dripping off the side of the vinyl coated cot.

More work from my Killer Dana chapbook. 

The catamaran sat in the driveway. We’d bounce and lay and finger

hadn’t touched

water in years you say

“It happened after separation”

She’d sun topless, tie dye elastic cutting into her hips

before she had implants

Spilling over into orange, blue, green

I sat at the edge, counting oysters

You ask, Where’s my pearl?

She strokes herself, the water ripples.

A few pages from the chapbook I am working on about Killer Dana, a once famous surf spot in California.